


The Sexual Harassment Seminar Job

by CharleyFoxtrot



Series: Texts From the Enterprise [1]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Emails, Gen, Other, Tumblr, Whoops I ficced on a tumblr post sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 02:20:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6496996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharleyFoxtrot/pseuds/CharleyFoxtrot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And for <i>fuck’s</i> sake someone give Kirk his sexual harassment seminar so I can rest easy at night knowing that if he gets Mulvarian herpes, he got Mulvarian herpes <i>on purpose</i>? Thanks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Sexual Harassment Seminar Job

**Author's Note:**

> I accidentally ficc'd all over [this post](http://disease-danger-darkness-silence.tumblr.com/post/142415357701/tomorrow-is-first-contact-day). Sorry, not sorry.
> 
> Some minor edits have been made, obviously. And because I might be inspired to do this again, I've made a series. Why the hell not.
> 
> As usual, you can find me at disease-danger-darkness-silence.tumblr.com.

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil

JIM I AM **_NOT_** GIVING YOU THE SEXUAL HARASSMENT SEMINAR AGAIN. THIRD TIME THIS MONTH. ASK SOMEONE ELSE.

-BONES

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Captain;

No.

\- Commander Spock

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
CC: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Kirk -

Yes, but _only_ if you tell me _literally_ everything, and I mean _every little detail_. I can _never_ have enough blackmail on you. Also like. _Real_ chocolate this time? They have to be giving you SOME perks, they stuck you in charge of this loony bin.

\- Uhura

PS - Scotty, I know you didn't _mean_ what happened, and the Ambassador is _totally_ understanding, but you should come too, just to cover your ass.

* * *

   
To: nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
CC: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil

 _Hold the phone_ , you have a _whole middle name_ I don't know about? _What's the third u stand for?_

\- Captain Awesome

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
CC: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil

You know what? Nevermind.

Scotty can still come.

\- Uhura

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Sorry, Captain, but I'm gonna take the lady up on her offer.

\- Scotty

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil

And before you think to ask, no, sir, I am not going to help you hack the personnel files. Spock is one _scary fucker_ , okay?

\- Scotty

* * *

 

To: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Aw, Scotty, you're no fun.

Not even for a fifth of the good stuff?

\- Captain Awesome

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil

I am offended, _truly_ hurt, sir, that you think "the good stuff" comes in _fifths_.

And the answer is still no.

\- Scotty

* * *

 

To: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil

**NO. FUN.**

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil, lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil, spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil, nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil, mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil

I hope you are all aware that your official Starfleet emails are monitored for content? While we've all been having a great laugh at your expenses down here on Terra, kindly remember to keep it official? _Please_? For my sanity?

And for _fuck's_ sake someone give Kirk his sexual harassment seminar so I can rest easy at night knowing that if he gets Mulvarian herpes, he got Mulvarian herpes _on purpose_? Thanks.

 _Ostensibly_ your boss,

Admiral Pike

* * *

 

To: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil, lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil, spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil, nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil, mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Yes, sir.

\- Captain James T. Kirk

* * *

 

To: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil, jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil, spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil, nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil, mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Yes, sir.

\- McCoy

* * *

 

To: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil, jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil, lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil, spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil, nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Yessir.

\- M. Scott

* * *

 

To: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil, jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil, lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil, spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil, mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Yes, sir.

\- Lt. Cdr. Uhura, Communications  
USS Enterprise NCC-1701, Starfleet

* * *

 

To: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil, jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil, lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil, nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil, mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil

Yes, sir. Might I suggest that you also attend a seminar? There is no such thing as Mulvarian herpes, and I have concerns.

\- Commander Spock

* * *

 

To: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil, lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil, spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil, nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil, mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil

Guess who gets to give Kirk the sexual harassment seminar?

It’s you, Spock. It’s you.

\- Pike

* * *

 

To: crpike@cmd.starfleet.mil, lhmccoy@enterprise.starfleet.mil, spock@enterprise.starfleet.mil, nuuhura@enterprise.starfleet.mil, mscott@enterprise.starfleet.mil  
From: jtkirk@enterprise.starfleet.mil

HAH!


End file.
